It’s a Good bye for Now

Hello everyone, it has been long that I have been missing from my blog after my fallout with GOD (missing as if anyone was looking for me… LOL). It should not matter too much for me if someone was looking for my posts or not because I write it for me. I won’t deny the fact that someone really had inspired me to write my blog but then that person also left. Life is like a train journey; people come, stay and then move out. You can’t cry or make fuss about it.

Well today there is nothing specific I want to write, it is just about the things happening and how confused I am in the whole process and what I think I should do. Life is giving me a bag of mixed emotions. It is like life is throwing lemons at me and I think I am going to make lemonade from them.

I am feeling my dream, my passion is still haunting me because the more I am trying to achieve them, more I feel that they going away. It is like a mirage, you feel you can reach them but then they are still away.

My current job is going fine, but then there is no energy or kick that would drive me to office. The feel is not right at all to work in that kind of environment but my commitments stop me from quitting.

And the worst part it previously when I used to be in such a phase where I felt low, when the things didn’t look fine, I used to just pick up my phone, dial number of my close ones and just talk random. Sadly today the busy world has taken over everything. Sometimes they are in meetings, sometimes they are with family or sometimes they just don’t realize because the phone is on silent. So other than the above said 2 points this fact kills me more that world has taken over my space in my people’s (I don’t call everyone my people) lives.

I guess the phase is not right for me. Some people say it is all about time, and God will make things right. I don’t feel so because it seems the so called GOD is trying to put me down, trying to bend me with his wits. Well if that is the case then I guess the “WAR is ON”. If I have stood by people in their tough times, I guess I can stand for me when required. Like my childhood days, the years when I spent my time alone in house, all alone, I had been my friend, my philosopher and my guide. I recall those times, when I used to stand outside our society playground where kids of my society used to play cricket and watch them playing. I was never taken in team because they knew the moment my mother reached back from office, I would have to leave the game halfway and go home.

The feel of being alone is not new to me. But since I got some freedom, I had made up a family of my own, of my people, the people I called friends, rakhi sisters or so called brothers from another mother. I have not been alone in recent past so it feels odd a bit now to find no one around. But then no one promised me to be there, and even if they did, they have their own lives.

There are some decisions I have to take to move ahead, to fight with this world, which tries to change you the way they want. I have my dreams to achieve, I have to show this world that I have lived alone and I can live alone again. I still won’t change, you all can look for me, this guy will still be there for you. Not like I will be there but unavailable when needed. I will be there, the way you have always found me.

This will be my last post till I have finished my first script. The thing I want to do for me, and till that time nothing else. There are some more steps I need to take, some decisions which may end some stories or which may make them believe that I left.  My stories never had an ending, I just leave them halfway. I don’t like endings but then I will accept the fact, that end is necessary. And there will be endings in every story of my life someday.

Till the time I am back, its good bye from me. Thanks for being there.